Friday, 19 June 2015

Ocean Explosions, Just Good Clean Fun

A Queensland resident has been awarded a licence by the local government to operate his new start-up business Ocean Explosions.

Representatives of the environmental department have said the green light for the company to operate in the waters comes with a strict limit on how close they can get to the Great Barrier Reef. Under no circumstances are they to be within 100 meters of the reef while operating.

We spoke to the business owner who goes by the name of Salty Dog and asked him what exactly it is that his company offers.

"We take paying clients out to the open water and encourage them to throw a range of explosives from the aft of the boat, you would be surprised at how many people enjoy a good explosion. Throwing them in the ocean reduces risks and means everyone has some good clean fun."

When questioned about the risk to sea life, in particular fish Salty had this to say.

"She's a big ocean boys, plenty of room for both fish and dynamite. Besides we don't come across many fish when we are out, followed by a stupid amount of birds, but other than that we don't see much in the way of sea life."

We asked him if he had considered that it may be possible that the birds were following the boat in order to get an easy meal once the dynamite throwing had been concluded, to which he responded.

"They're birds mate, the early bird gets the worm, not the fish... It's not like they're a flock of flying cats."

Man Spends 30 minutes in Shower Thinking of Ways to Save Water
Local man Ernest Bernshaw today spent a glorious, relaxing half hour in the shower coming up with ingenious ways to save water.

As the warm, drinking-quality water washed over his body and down the drain, he watched it and wondered: What if we could do something with this?

Ideas flowed as freely as the water as he considered ways to collect the runoff, pipe the drain into his garden, or use the fall of the water to power hydro-electric generators.

"I wonder how much electricity we could generate if we piped the almost pristine water over some turbines", he thought, while brushing his teeth.

"Whole industries could be transformed" Mr Bernshaw thought around the 20 minute mark. "Houses could be built with these new water saving features. Hell, even entire housing estates. The way things work now are just so wasteful!"