Wednesday, 10 September 2014

Offensive Wind Turbines to be Removed; Replaced by Large Holes

Offensive
In response to comments Australia's Federal Treasurer made about the wind farms around Lake George being "utterly offensive" a commission has been established to index the offensiveness on an appalling meter. A representative for the commission told us initial readings were registering the wind farms in question as a blight, but further study would need to be done and it was reasonable to expect they could rate as high as utterly offensive, if not obscenely disgusting.

Green groups are up in arms at the news, with Greenpeace expressing a high level of concern and suggesting that they may need to sail a boat around the country a few times.

One Liberal backbencher has taken exception to the sailing threats of Greenpeace, labeling them "eco-terrorists" and suggesting the Australian Navy may be asked to keep an eye on them in the interests of National Security. In a statement the member expressed, "This country currently has enough problems with boats". When asked for his views on the situation the Prime Minister said, "During the election we promised the people we would stop the boats, that is what we have a mandate for and that is what we will be doing."

The Minister for Infrastructure has also weighed in telling us that "Should the wind farms be found to be offensive or above on the appalling meter, which can only be suspected will happen, then one solution would be not only to remove them but to perhaps replace them with large holes in the ground."

It is understood miners have suddenly taken an interest and are investigating the greater Lake George area for potential mineral wealth. "This has the real potential to be a win, win, for Australia as a nation, first the removal of what are clearly some extremely disgusting wind turbines and secondly the potential extraction of what could be vast deposits of untapped resource wealth." commented a representative for the United Corporate Siphons of Wealth Group.