Wednesday, 16 April 2014

Giant Fan Causes Tensions to Escalate

Not against any law to construct a very big fan
American intelligence officials today released a satellite photo which shows what appears to be a giant pedestal fan on the east coast of China.

In a press release intelligence officials stated that "they were unaware of how this device had been erected without anyone noticing." Unofficially it has been suggested that this may be some kind of giant Ikea model which was able to be put together under the cover of darkness.

The chief concern of U.S. policy makers is that, if aimed correctly, the fan could be used to blow pollution from China clear across the Pacific to the coast and possibly mainland United States.

A delegate from Texas has suggested that in response it may be prudent for the United States to build fans and counteract the effects of the Chinese device. Manufacturing experts point out that many of the parts would probably need to be imported, from China.

Japanese officials have expressed that the fan could be directed at Fukushima in an effort to blow radiation away from the crippled plant, further enraging American politicians.

An American congressman is reported to have retorted that "Building giant fans to blow pollution or radiation away from one country and toward another is hardly responsible, or an acceptable way to treat international neighbours." She went on to say that it could certainly be construed as an act of aggression which would be meet with an equal or greater response.

The Chinese Minister of Foreign Affairs would not confirm or deny the existence of such an instrument, instead pointing out that it is not against any law to construct a very big fan. He went on to say that China would not be intimidated by American sabre rattling.

The Australian Foreign Minister has called for calm amongst the international community and has said she expects to make an urgent trip to the region in an attempt to find a diplomatic solution to this latest global crisis.

The world waits with baited breath.